


I want you to love me

by mm_nani



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marco is mostly an idiot, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, and Pierre is a long suffering fool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 01:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm_nani/pseuds/mm_nani
Summary: soulmate AU where finding your soulmate and falling in love are two different things.





	I want you to love me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends, I have finally written non-crack, non-porn for the fandom. And I really hate it???? I think I love Marco and Auba in this Universe and so I feel like I can't do them justice with my puny writing. But here it is. It was supposed to have a sad ending LOL but they just lifted their first professional trophy together guys I couldn't. So you get the sappiest ending known to man instead.
> 
> Beta'd by my ever suffering wife, Alex who hates both soulmate AUs and High school AUs and only very tepidly likes Pierreus (on a scale of how much they obsess over, say, city crack ships). Thanks for your kind words which pushed me to finally publish this.

Marco wakes up one morning and it’s there on the inside of his wrist.

 

_Auba_

 

The delicate cursive almost illegible to the point that Marco initially thought that it said _Arba_  

 

In fact, he isn’t 100% that it doesn’t say Arba.

 

Either way it doesn’t sound German and he’s intrigued.

 

*

 

He doesn’t want to make a big deal of it.

 

Your soulmate’s name appears on your body after puberty but only after you’ve seen them.

 

He’s hit puberty already (at least his mother keeps complaining about him doing so).

 

But he can’t remember meeting anyone new recently.

 

Marco thinks back curiously.

 

He thinks about all the strangers he’s walked past on the street in the last month or so. It’s summer, there’s a ton.

 

Or maybe his mother was wrong, maybe he hit puberty yesterday and it’s someone he’s been seeing everyday since he was born and never had been introduced to.

 

Either way it isn’t an exact science.

 

*

 

Melanie _loses_ it.

 

She’s been convinced a guy in her English class is her soulmate. Marco’s been subjected to his older sister in various forms of undress in trying to look for the tattoo but with no success.

 

It seems like they’ve found her one to obsess over regardless.

 

Only that it’s Marco’s and so much attention from his sister puts him on edge. She’s even started noticing that the bands of his underwear is starting to wear a little.

 

Melanie obsesses nonetheless. Marco bribes her to keep it from their mother.

*

 

It’s embarrassing.

 

It’s enough that his sister is googling Auba over and over again and staring at service workers’ name tags and asking strangers what their names are. Marco kind of just wants to play FIFA or Mortal Kombat and go to bed.

 

Wake up, then go to school, come home and ignore his homework.

 

You see, Marco is thirteen years old.

 

And girls still make him a little nervous.

 

*

 

There’s a new kid at school.

 

There’s always new kids at school at the end of summer so Marco doesn’t think too much of it. Everyone’s excited because the kid is handsome and French and apparently loves football. There must be more new kids but they get completely overshadowed by the new ‘Pierre’ kid.

 

Marco’s hometown is predominantly white so the addition of color adds just that much more flash of intrigue.

 

Marco doesn’t try to connect any dots.

 

But they end up next to each other during Math class and the new kid turns to him and says:  

 

‘Hi. I’m Pierre-Emerick but you can call me Auba. My last name is Aubameyang.’

 

_Oh._

 

In retrospect, he should have simply introduced himself and not said anything.

 

But he acts on impulse.

 

‘Like this?’ Marco pulls off the yellow wirstband he uses to hide his soulmate’s name and holds his wrist out.

 

Auba nods, then realizes what exactly he’s reading.

 

He quickly turns back to look at the board in front of the class. Marco thinks Auba’s blushing a little. Marco feels mortified enough to know that he’s blushing too.

 

‘So you’re Marco.’

 

He hears the soft whisper. But it doesn’t sound like a question so he doesn’t reply.

 

*

Marco feels dread in the pit of his stomach the entire day when his mother finds out.

 

He doesn’t know how he knows that she knows.

 

But he does.

 

All that money and resources that go into researching empathy but no one really knows how it works.

 

‘Marco.’ she starts and Marco has to stick to his guns and pretend like he doesn’t know what’s coming. He technically _doesn’t._ But he does, just like he knows that his mom knows he realizes what this is about too, ‘I met a woman today at the charity event at the park. She’s new to the neighborhood.’

 

 _Huh_ Marco thinks _I didn’t know Auba lived in the same neighborhood._

 

‘She was joking about how her kid got the name Marco imprinted onto his skin shortly after they moved here. And how it’s impossible to know because they’ve met at least fifteen Marcos since they moved here. She hopes it isn’t her 53 year old fish supplier.’ She pauses and when Marco doesn’t offer up any sort of response she continues, ‘her kid is thirteen and goes to your school.’

 

Marco’s wrist itches.

 

‘Marco.’ She says abruptly and he’s forced to look right at her, ‘take off your wristband.’

 

Oddly enough, he doesn’t hesitate when he does. He’s not ashamed of his soulmate. He just doesn’t like sharing the information a lot.

 

He feels an odd sense of pride when he holds his wrist out and says, ‘He goes by Auba. it’s from his last name, _Aubameyang_.’

 

‘You’ve met.’ she observes.

 

Marco’s cheeks burn from the note of disappointment in her voice.

 

*

Marco doesn’t know what’s worse.

 

The brochures about safe gay sex and the book on same sex soulmate bonding that his mother left in his room wordlessly this morning or the fact that she invited Auba and his family for dinner.

 

He picks up one of the brochures.

 

_Safe sex is fun sex_

 

It reads with detailed illustrations on how to roll on a condom. Does he need to worry about safe sex with Auba?

 

It’s weird. He can’t really imagine what Auba’s cock looks like. He doesn’t really want to either.

 

Marco’s mother forces him into a button down shirt and gels his hair back.

 

He looks nice and feels like a trussed up turkey.

 

Everyone’s oddly nervous as they wait around for the doorbell to ring.

 

Marco counts the number of times Melanie rolls her eyes at their parents.

 

_Four_

 

His mom all but runs to open the door when it finally rings.

 

It’s Auba, his mom and older brother.

 

He can tell that his family is surprised that Auba is black just as Marco is surprised that Auba’s mother isn’t black.

 

The tiny undercurrent of panic at their thirteen year old son having a soulmate kind of intensifies  with this new information and Melanie rolls her eyes again.

 

_Five_

 

Marco is a little mesmerized at the contrast of dark and light in the family. Auba’s skin almost glistens a golden brown and Marco feels a tiny sliver of pride at how nice he looks in the blazer thrown over a pale pink shirt. The expression on Auba’s face indicates that he feels a little bit like a trussed up turkey too.

 

Once he realizes that Auba feels the same way as him, it’s just so obvious.

 

_Its Auba._

 

He thinks and that surprises him. Because he doesn’t really know what that means.

 

*

‘Should we kiss?’ Auba asks him when they’re left alone.

 

Marco can breathe easier without the pressure to impress Auba’s mother and brother. He doesn’t know why he felt the need to impress anyone. If he’s really Auba’s soulmate then Auba’s mother has as much choice over this as he does.

 

But when Auba asks about kissing, Marco realizes that there’s a purpose to this being alone together. They are supposed to be doing something even though Marco doesn’t know what.

 

Marco nods and Auba scratches his head before coming straight for his lips.

 

Auba kisses him once. Short, the way his dad kisses his mom before they leave for work. They look at each other for a little and nothing particularly special happens. Auba kisses him two more times, each more lingering than the last, for good measure.

 

It’s nice in the way that it’s not bad. If Auba wanted to kiss everyday Marco would probably do it with him. But there’s no need to. It’s enough that Auba is breathing next to him, that he can put his hand on Auba’s shoulder and that Auba lets him.

 

Marco is curious where his name is on Auba’s body. It’s not on any of the parts that are visible right now. But it feels like a private question so he doesn’t ask.

 

Marco basks in how nice it is to exist next to Auba.

 

It’s easy to breathe.

 

*

His mother becomes a lot less nervous when she realizes that Marco and Auba are not having rambunctious gay sex every time they lay eyes on each other.

 

They hang out a lot though. Marco can’t tell if it’s because they’re soulmates or if it’s because they go to the same school, love football and play the same video games. But the why isn’t that important.

 

The arrangement works for him great either way.

 

He wonders if Auba will try to kiss him again.

 

Auba never does.

 

*

 

Marco is fifteen when he realizes he’s gay.

 

Which sounds stupid because he’s known that Auba is his soulmate for two years already.

 

But he crashes into Mats, who’s supposedly marking him, when they’re playing football.

 

He feels the solid muscular body against him for a second, like he’s done a million times before.

 

But the feeling is sharp and lingers even when he’s on the grass, wind whistling in his ears, the heat from Mats’ body a ghost-like touch. Marco feels warm for an entirely different reason.

 

When Mats bends over him to help him up all he can think about is what Mats’ cock would taste like.

 

Marco blushes as he takes Mats’ hand. Feels his entire arm tingle from the warmth of his touch.

 

It’s odd how something he’s seen a million times before can appear so different.

 

How Mats’ familiar smile makes butterflies flutter in his stomach.

 

*

 

For the record, Mats’ cock tastes magnificent.

 

 _Mats_ nificent.

 

Marco thinks with a quiet giggle. Except it’s not so quiet because:

 

‘What?’ Auba whispers next to him in class.

 

Marco blushes and shakes his head. But he must be staring at Mats because there’s a quite ‘ _Bro...’_ uttered next to him in disbelief.

 

Marco surreptitiously glances at Auba from the corner of his eyes, sees that he’s also staring at Mats and they both devolve into quiet giggles.

 

*

 

Marco loves kissing Mats.

 

Loves how he has to stretch up just so to get to his lips.

 

Loves how his lips are soft and generous.

 

Loves how Mats always brushes his hair back from his forehead every time they break apart.

 

Mats buys him ice cream after practice one day and Marco suddenly realizes that they are more than just two people who kiss.

 

It’s startles him, but Mats’ arm on the small of his back as they walk home makes the sticky ice cream melting over his fingers just that much sweeter.

 

*

 

‘Mats is my boyfriend.’

 

Auba doesn’t miss a beat as he jabs in his combinations to destroy Marco’s character with a special attack.

 

‘Yeah? Finally going to use all the safe sex brochures meant to prepare you for my cock?’ He says, chuckling as Marco ends up on the receiving end of another one of Auba’s combination moves.

 

Marco throws away his controller, half because he wants Auba’s opinion and half because he’s a sore loser.

 

‘Oi. We weren’t done.’

 

‘Yeah. Yeah. You win.’ Marco says, ‘but more importantly, what do you think?’

 

‘Of Mats? He’s nice but you knew that. You’ve known him way longer than you’ve known me.’

 

‘Yeah, but. Do you think it will work out?’

 

Auba hums, ‘with me being your soulmate?’ Auba reaches out to take Marco’s hand and runs his finger over the four letters etched onto his skin. Auba is the only one person Marco doesn’t wear a wristband around.

 

Marco always feels a little embarrassed at being branded in such a public part of his body. He’s jealous that Auba’s is hidden easily. But he knows Auba can look at him and see him. Not see him as someone who belongs to someone else.

 

It’s a nice thought though.

 

That Auba was made to be by his side for eternity.

 

To be his.

 

‘It’s just a word, isn’t it?’ Auba finally decides, ‘why worry about letters on your skin if you know what you feel here.’ Auba places a hand over his heart and looks at him dead on.

 

It’s the most serious Marco has seen Auba ever be.

 

Marco feels reassured by Auba’s words. He quickly texts Mats what he’s been thinking of saying for the past few days.

 

_I love you_

 

It’s not classy to do it over text but he’s not the kind of person who’d say it out loud.

 

‘Are you done? Can we go back to me kicking your ass?’

 

Marco rolls his eyes and picks up the controller again.

 

*

 

‘Mom, Marco has a boyfriend.’

 

Melanie squeals one night and Marco throws a bread roll at her. Then, instantly regrets it. He loves bread.

 

‘Yes, well. Marco if you ever need anything we are here.’ His mom says with a face that looks like she’s adjusting to the idea of sending Marco to battle.

 

‘Thanks.’ He mutters perfunctorily. His first preference would be that his parents don’t talk about it. But he knows he’s lucky that they care. He’s just glad his mom isn’t one of those overzealous condom distributing moms.

 

‘It’s not Auba.’ Melanie adds and Marco is so mad that he would have probably thrown another bread roll at her despite how much he regretted it the first time.

 

His mother pales, ’Marco, I don’t understand’ she says in as patient a voice she can manage right now. Marco feels almost bad for her.

 

‘Auba knows mom. He’s dating someone too, I think.’ He doesn’t know this for a fact but Auba is insanely popular at school. There’s always girls milling about him. It’s bound to come true sooner or later.

 

‘Marco, is this one of those swinger situations? Are you bored? Is Auba _making_ you?’

 

Marco bristles at the implication while Melanie snorts at his mom’s awkward stuttering. His mom has never really approved of Auba. Auba makes her really nervous. No one points it out but Marco knows why.

 

‘No, mom Auba is not _making_ me have sex with other people because he’s black.’

 

‘I never said that Marco.’ She interjects.

 

‘But you meant it, didn’t you? You always blame Auba for every stupid decision I make.’ He knows he’s throwing a tantrum because even Melanie has stopped laughing and he’s pitifully close to crying, ‘I get detention. Did Auba make you skip class? I get bad grades. Did Auba distract you? I have a boyfriend. Did Auba _make_ you? This might be surprising but I can make my own decisions’

 

‘I said those things because you’re always together, Marco. Not because-because-

 

‘Not because he’s black. Say it.’

 

‘Marco.’ This time its Melanie with a hand on his shoulder, ‘Marco, you need to stop.’ Marco notices that there are tears in his mother’s eyes. He deflates, feels a little horrified, but marches off in a huff because he’s too proud and too angry.

 

When he finally reaches his room, Marco cries.

 

*

 

Mats takes his wristband off before he can stop him.

 

Overall, very little curiosity has been expressed about his wristband. He plays football, his everyday wardrobe is 70% activewear anyway so it seems like a normal accessory.

 

Mats takes off the wristband absentmindedly, in his quest to lazily touch and caress Marco’s body.

 

He hadn’t set out to find the names of soulmates inked into Marco’s skin.

 

But that’s what Mats finds. For a long while Mats holds his wrist, thumbs rubbing across the four letters etched into his skin, trying to rub it off.

 

‘Did you write this?’

 

After a long pause, Marco frustratingly ends up at the end of this fruitlessly optimistic question. He kind of wishes for angry accusations that he can deny vehemently.

 

‘No.’

 

‘Do you know who this is?’ Mats ask and Marco curses at the stupid elegant scrawl. Even _Auba_ said it looks like Arba. Marco doesn’t want to have to actually say it with words. It’s bad enough as it is. Mats will think he’s been having him on all this time. Like his family, Mats will think that he and Auba are playing some twisted game.

 

‘Yes.’ Marco sighs, ‘It’s Auba.’

 

‘Au-auba?’ Mats squints his eyes and reads Marco’s wrist closely this time. Marco sees the seconds pass on Mats’ face as he puts it together.

 

Auba.

 

Aubameyang.

 

Their friend.

 

‘Fuck.’ Mats says and stays silent for a very, very long time.

 

Marco’s ears start ringing from how hard his chest beats.

 

Just waiting.

 

‘You’ve known before we started dating. You’ve known for _years_. Does he know?’

 

Marco takes a deep breath, ‘We aren’t together.’ He prefaces and rushes through the next parts before Mats can argue, ‘he knows but we aren’t together. We aren’t boyfriends. We aren’t anything.’ And Marco’s insides smart from the lie in that last statement.

 

Mats scoffs, ‘Yeah, nothing special. Just your everyday, run-of-the-mill soulmates. I looked, you know? I looked for your name on my body after we started dating.’

 

‘Then you knew we weren’t soulmates.’ Because Marco sees how it’s kind of bad he’s never told his boyfriend that his soulmate was a close mutual friend. But Mats must have known all this time that they _weren’t_ soulmates. Mats must have known through the _‘I love you’_ s he whispered into Marco’s skin.

 

‘Did this-’ Fuck he’s not gonna start using past tenses before someone says it’s over ‘-does this not mean anything to you? Even though we aren’t soulmates.’

 

‘But I don’t have a soulmate.’

 

‘You _have_ a soulmate. You know that. You just haven’t seen them yet.’

 

 _And you are going to leave me as soon as you do._ Marco thinks unhappily.

 

Mats is silent again and Marco feels exhausted, his capacity to feel things fast approaching its end. He is glad to realize that they had sat up on Mats’ bed when they started arguing. This means he can lie back down and drift in exhaustion if Mats can’t manage to find the words to continue.

 

Eventually, Mats also lays back down next to him. ‘And Auba?’

 

‘Is very important to me.’ Marco replies and cautiously wraps his hand around Marco’s waist, ‘but you’re my boyfriend.’

 

‘Never heard of platonic soulmates before.’

 

‘Listen harder.’ Marco quips. Mats doesn’t quite relax but doesn’t push his hand away either.

 

Marco can finally nap.

  


*

In the end, it doesn’t work out.

 

Mats tries valiantly for another two months. But Marco can still see the breakup coming from a mile away. Mats is silent and distant and he stiffens up around Auba. Between Auba’s hurt at being ignored by a close friend and Mats’ silent jealousy, Marco gets stretched pretty thin.

 

Giving up Auba is never on the table and thankfully Mats never asks for it.

 

But Marco still waits, surrounded by the cracks and leaking magma, for Mats to end it. He blindly lets a tiny part of him hope that with time Mats will get over it.

 

But of course Mats can’t.

 

So in the end, Marco only manages to stall his heartbreak for two months.

 

Even with all that mental preparation, it really freaking hurts. What he thought had been very little optimism was actually a lot of optimism. And it all comes crashing down with every second of the final kiss they share.

 

He manages not to cry up when Mats leaves after breaking up with him, until there’s a knock on his bedroom door. It’s Auba and he can be vulnerable around Auba in a way that he can’t manage when he’s alone.

 

The tears wash out the pain inside of him until he’s numb and Auba holds him through it, making jokes and calling him an ugly cryer. Marco manages a wet chuckle.

 

‘Where is it?’

 

Marco’s never asked before and Auba’s never told. It’s always felt too private but today Marco doesn’t really care. Its Marco’s right to know, maybe, how he marks his soulmate.

 

Auba silently takes his hand and pulls it to rest over his heart.

 

*

 

It’s odd to be proud of how beautiful your soulmate is.

 

But Marco always feels a tiny rush of happiness everytime he sees Auba.

 

Impeccably stylish for a sixteen year old, Auba is charming and suave in the way he talks to people.

 

There’s nothing more interesting than seeing someone entranced while Auba holds a beer and smiles during a casual chat.

 

He does this thing where he’ll take his cap and put it on the head of the person he’s talking to. It’s almost a habit of Auba’s and he almost always does it absentmindedly. Except when it’s Marco, Auba does it to annoy him because of how fussy he is with his hair.

 

Auba is slender and quick on the football pitch. There’s always a rhythm in the runs he makes and there’s something powerful about the way he owns the field, sweat pooling across his forehead and in the hollow of his neck.

 

His fan following is enormous in the town and their school field is always full since he’s started playing in their youth squad.

 

But there are other parts of Auba that people don’t usually see that are just so attractive and Marco feels a tiny rush at those too.

 

The way he sticks his tongue out when they’re playing PS4, or scratches his nose when he doesn’t know the answer to a question, or the way he drools on Marco’s pillow on lazy weekend afternoons.

 

Auba is just so pretty.

 

And Marco can’t look at him enough.

 

*

Summer ends.

 

Mats comes back from camp with a brand new tattoo across his neck.

 

Auba starts dating a girl from a school in the neighboring district.

 

Marco only gets slightly tanned.

 

(He mostly just burns).

 

*

‘You should try _being_ with your soulmate, you know?’ Mats tells him one day. Marco is annoyed at how _cool_ Mats is acting now. As though he didn’t look like a sour lemon every time he saw Marco and Auba together before summer, before he met his own soulmate.

 

Now he’s suddenly an expert on the issue.

 

‘I am _with_ my soulmate. We’re together all the time.’ Marco replies with a roll of his eyes.

 

‘No I mean, actually together, like boyfriends. Like lovers.’

 

Marco knew very well what Mats meant. Mats’ soulmate transferred to their school after the summer they met so they hold hands and make googly eyes at each other in person. Their tattoos are in exactly the same spot on their necks, proudly displayed at all times.

 

But not everyone has to be that gross. Mats and Benedikt are like caricatures of the perfect soulmates, everything seems great and wonderful all the time and they are so, so in love.

 

But they’ve known each other for three months, at best. Marco can’t wait for them to realize the ugly parts of each other. Like how Mats doesn’t seem to know how to line his toothbrush with paste and always drops a bit onto the sink and then just leaves it there for Marco to clean.

 

Marco wants to see Benedikt love him _then._

 

‘Lovers are overrated.’ Marco quips with a pointed look and Mats has enough propriety to blush slightly.

 

‘The right ones aren’t.’

 

_Ouch_

 

Marco has cried over Mats, more than what he deserves and it’s frustrating that he feels his eyes water.

 

‘You know, we _both_ said things but only one of us was lying.’ Marco is being a little petty, but he wants to hurt.

 

Marco makes to leave but Mats stops him with a hand on his bicep.

 

‘I didn’t lie. I love you, Marco. I have since we were five. But-’ and Mats looks to the side. Looks to where Benedikt is talking to the other guys on their team. His face has no right to look as soft and blissful as it does ‘-it’s different.’

 

*

They’re horsing around like they always do.

 

Marco has no idea why they’re fighting over wafers. But Auba stole his wafer pack and took one uninvited.

 

Marco had only wanted it back.

 

But it’s Auba and it’s him so now they’re chasing each other on the pavement like these wafers are the most precious things in the whole world.

 

Marco finally catches up to Auba and jumps onto his back so that he can’t run away again. Auba concedes the wafers and dumps Marco unceremoniously onto the grass of the neighborhood park and plonks down next to him.

 

Marco holds out a wafer and Auba takes it with a chuckle.

 

He thinks about what Mats said. Marco thinks it would be so easy to just lean forward and kiss Auba. Maybe Auba would let him.

 

‘Should we start dating?’ He asks instead.

 

Auba drops his wafer on the grass, picks it up quickly, ‘Why do you ask?’ He looks contemplative like he can’t decide whether or not it’s safe to eat the wafer.

 

‘I don’t know, sometimes it feels like we’re denying the inevitable. We are soulmates. I like you.’

 

‘You’ve always liked me’ Auba says confidently. He’s still staring at the wafer, ‘why now?’

 

‘Mats said it’s different with your soulmate.’

 

‘So this is because of Mats?’

 

‘No, it isn’t. I mean, we’re bound to get together someday, right? Why not now?’

 

Auba’s stare shifts from the wafer to Marco. Marco thinks he looks a little angry.

 

‘Get real, bro. You know I have girlfriend.’

 

He ends up eating the wafer.

 

*

Auba doesn’t come to school one day.

 

 _It’s serious,_ he thinks, worry niggling in the back of his mind.

 

Then Auba doesn’t come for three more days.

 

His house is locked and no one’s home.

 

No one really knows that they’re soulmates but he’s still the one they ask.

 

Marco feels like he’s failed somehow because he doesn’t know where Auba is.

 

Because he’s supposed to, it’s his duty.

 

_Right?_

 

*

It’s his mother who tells him that the Aubameyangs are back.

 

Marco has been worried. Withered would also be an accurate description. Auba knows that he can never get rid of Marco, that Marco will follow him anywhere so why would he leave without saying anything?

 

Why would he make this harder?

 

Marco swallows a lot of pride to march over to his house. Marco and Auba make a point not to pull the soulmate card on each other. They give each other the things that they can and want to. But today Marco wants answers. He will pull any card necessary.

 

Of course, faced with an exhausted and defeated Auba, Marco deflates.

 

Marco wraps his arms around him immediately, holds him tight right there in the doorway of Auba’s house. Auba has burrowed his head into the crook of his neck.

 

He’s somewhat conscious of Auba’s mother closing the door and leaving them to go upstairs. He’s glad that she decides to give them privacy. But it wouldn’t have mattered. Marco would do anything in this moment that Auba asked him to.

 

Marco doesn’t ask what’s wrong but Auba offers anyway.

 

‘My dad found his soulmate.’

 

It’s the first time Marco has seen Auba cry.

 

*

 

Auba falls asleep sometime after midnight and Marco contemplates just staying with him.

 

It is hard to let Auba go, it is hard to stop threading his fingers through Auba’s hair but Marco decides to leave anyway. Auba had chosen not to contact Marco during this time in his life. Even though Marco already barged in once, he wants to respect Auba’s decision.

 

‘Are you happy, Marco?’

 

He tries to sneak out of the house but Auba’s mother is still up. She’s nursing a glass of wine, lines of exhaustion etched onto her face.

 

‘I know you and Pierre choose not to be together. Are you truly happy with that, Marco?’

 

‘We are together.’ He says automatically, there’s no other truth.

 

Auba’s mother nods, ‘Are you okay with seeing other people? For him to have someone special who isn’t you?’

 

Tendrils of jealousy flares through Marco’s belly at the implication, he struggles to justify why they do things the way they do. He thinks about how Auba is back. Thinks about how that hug they shared was as much for him as for Auba.

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘To be honest, I don’t understand it. You two have found each. You’re done. What are you still looking for?’ She sounds frustrated, the wine sloshing around precariously in the glass.

 

‘We’re not looking for anything.’ He really isn’t, though he doesn’t know about Auba.

 

‘Then? You are okay with Pierre with the-the girl, Lisa?’

 

Marco knows Lisa, she’s nice with a sense of humor that gives Auba a run for his money. They’re perfect for each other in a way that Marco isn’t. Too serious and sometimes aloof, Marco can’t really keep up with them.

 

‘Yes, she’s very nice.’ He decides on answering.

 

Auba’s mom chuckles, ‘Of course, you’ve met her. Pierre can’t keep anything from you.’

 

 _Except this._ Marco thinks bitterly, then immediately feels guilty for it. Marco inches towards the door, Auba’s mother seems like she’s become too preoccupied with the wine.

 

‘Pierre is going to break her heart.’

 

Marco manages to hear the soft whisper and long-drawn sigh just before he can close the front door.

 

*

 

Marco snatches Auba’s college list from him before he can be stopped.

 

‘Give that back, Marco. I wasn’t done!’ Auba exclaims and Marco sticks his tongue out at him.

 

He’s pleased to see that they’re applying to the exact same colleges even though they didn’t make their list together.

 

But there’s one he doesn’t recognize.

 

‘What’s this one?’ He says pointing to the last name on the last.

 

‘Oh, it’s just one in Madrid. I have family living close by.’

 

Marco hums, unsure what the correct response is.

 

 _Would you leave me?_ He thinks and feels instantly queasy for thinking such a needy thing.

 

‘Do you want to go to Spain?’ He settles on instead.

 

‘I don’t know. Probably not. But you know my mom could probably do with a change of scene. I could live near my grandfather. Maybe it’ll be like going home, who knows?’

 

 _Your home is here_ Marco thinks but he can’t say that. He isn’t sure if he can back it up. He isn’t sure that Auba agrees. He isn’t ready to know if he does.

 

He hugs Auba because he can.

 

*

These are his favorite times with Auba.

 

Saturday afternoon post beers and football games, they always mean to study but end up feeling drowsy and content so they doze off, play puzzles and sometimes take the PS4 out.

 

Today, Auba is on his bed, snoring slightly, cuddled around a pillow and Marco can just look and touch as he pleases.

 

He starts with soft fingers running across Auba’s side, takes pleasure in how Auba fidgets and shifts so that Marco can pry the pillow away from him and inch closer.

 

He knows that just friends don’t do these sorts of things. But he’s never pretended that Auba was just his friend. He traces Auba’s cheekbones with a thumb and moving up, up to run his finger across the chip in Auba’s brow.

 

Marco giggles when Auba lets out a particularly loud snort and shifts onto his back. He kind of wants Auba to be awake now but also doesn’t have the heart to disturb him.

 

He gets an idea.

 

Marco places his hand over Auba’s stomach and slowly moves it under his shirt, laying his palm down flat. He lays still for a little bit, makes sure Auba isn’t going to wake up, then gently pulls the shirt up.

 

Auba is all dark and lean muscle and Marco is taken in by the skin he’s revealing ever so slowly. He has never seen Auba without his shirt. He knows what Auba hides underneath.

 

Marco is past Auba’s stomach and onto his abdomen, can see signs of dusky nipples and he’s so close to his target. A little thrill travels up his spine at finally being able to see his name on Auba’s chest.

 

Marco startles when Auba’s hands suddenly grab his wrist, closing around exactly where Auba marks him.

 

‘No.’ Auba looks like he’s still half asleep.

 

‘Why?’ Marco whines, hopes Auba is asleep enough to give in.

 

‘Because it’s mine.’

 

*

 

Marco starts to get replies back from colleges. He’s sure that Auba’s gotten into them too. They’re grades have been somewhat equal except Auba tops their class in English and Marco is pretty much hovering somewhere towards the bottom.

 

They didn’t discuss colleges before applying but Marco wants to go where Auba does. He’s not very picky as long as it’s close enough to come home for holidays and he’d much rather stay with Auba than leave it up to fate. They’re soulmates, even fate should have them end up in the same place.

 

_Wanna talk about where we should go?_

 

He texts.

 

_Can I come over?_

 

It’s strange. Auba doesn’t usually ask these things, they live ten minutes from each other. When Auba wants to come, he just does.

 

_Sure._

 

He replies back and there’s an inexplicable heaviness in the pit of his stomach.

 

He waits the entire time it takes Auba to come, with Melanie’s classic rock blasting in the background amping up his nerves.

 

It takes Auba five minutes and he dramatically bursts in through his bedroom door.

 

‘Auba wh-

 

Auba kisses him silent.

 

Marco responds on instinct. He opens his mouth to let Auba in but pours himself out instead. The feeling of Auba on top of him, settled between his legs is like recalling a distant memory.

 

Auba is like a furnace and Marco happily goes up in flames; in desperate slide of lips, demanding touches and an insatiable desire to consume.

 

 _It’s different_ Marco thinks unbidden as he’s melting into Auba’s body, forgetting that they’re two separate people.

 

Auba suddenly stops kissing him and Marco reels from the sudden distance between them. He tries to pull Auba back, unable to let him go.

 

‘What? Why’d you stop?’ Marco whispers, kissing the side of Auba’s face softly, fingers playing with the hairs on Auba’s nape.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ Auba says as a look of pure devastation crosses his face.

 

Marco’s heart sinks as reality crashes around him all at once.

 

This is Auba in his arms.

 

Marco releases him and Auba immediately crawls to the far side of the bed, away from Marco.

 

‘I-I shouldn’t have done that.’ Auba whispers, refusing to look at him. The remnants of Auba’s heat prickles, the burns finally catching up to him, ‘I’m sorry. I just had to. Once.’ Auba says to his comforter and Marco’s insides are turning to ash.

 

‘I’m moving to Spain after graduation’

 

_Fuck_

 

*

 

He’s in love with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.

 

_He’s in love with Auba._

 

**_He’s in love with Auba_ **

 

*

 

‘You should tell him not to go.’

 

Melanie says out of nowhere one night as they’re washing dishes . It takes Marco by surprise, presses upon the numbness in his heart.

 

‘I can’t.’

 

‘You _can_ . It will be just as hard for him to be without you as it will be for you without him. That’s how this _works_ , Marco. You and Auba can’t change the rules by sheer stubbornness.’

 

‘He’s not going because it’s going to be easy. He’s going because he has duties to his family, duties to his identity and his heart that just isn’t about me.’

 

Auba wants to find himself, find where he belongs. It stings so badly that Auba can’t feel like he belongs with Marco. But that isn’t for Marco to decide. As Auba’s soulmate, it is Marco’s job to support him to get the things that he wants.

 

 _Those are the rules_ Marco thinks.

 

Melanie snorts, ‘He’s a kid going to college, Marco. Your drama queen is showing.’

 

*

 

The countdown to graduation is a strange time. People are all around nostalgic and keep rehashing memories. There’s a lot of drinking and hugging and meaningful silences.

 

Marco sometimes breaks down crying.

 

Auba never sees.

 

But Marco knows that he knows.

 

Just like Marco knows that Auba doesn’t cry.

 

*

 

If there is one thing about graduation that Marco will remember through the haze of alcohol and weed, it is this.

 

Auba pulls him into the bathroom of the club they’re at, where the lighting is better and takes off his shirt.

 

It’s there, just as Auba had indicated on a precious, lazy Saturday afternoon from what feels like decades ago.

 

Embossed in clear, capital letters right over Auba’s heart.

 

MARCO

 

*

 

Auba leaves two weeks later. A bunch of their friends have gathered at the airport to say goodbye. They’re all going to scatter around various parts of Germany and Europe eventually come the beginning of the college semester but the tension around Auba’s departure is different.

 

Marco thinks of Auba’s house, it’s empty porch and a singular ‘For Sale’ sign decorating the front lawn.

 

Auba is _leaving_ and Marco is trying not to cry.

 

Thankfully it’s Marcel who is sobbing uncontrollably, all ugly bawling and running snot and Auba comforts him for a long time, patting and rubbing his back, whispering promises of calls and postcards.

 

When Auba finally reaches Marco, Marco has the irrational urge to have the grandest goodbye of them all. So he takes off his wristband and hands it to Auba, hugs him for a long time. He hopes it’s even longer than Marcel.

 

But it’s anticlimactic.

 

No one notices the chicken scratch on his wrist.

 

But Auba kisses it softly anyway.

 

*

 

Madrid _sounds_ different.

 

Whenever Auba calls, the music is different, the TV is different and there’s always rapid Spanish in the background.

 

Auba falters sometimes when his mother interrupts their conversation and he has to switch between Spanish and German.

 

Marco doesn’t understand any of it.

 

*

 

‘I’m in love with you.’ He says one day.

 

Marco knows that there’s many reasons why he’s never said this to Auba before. But once it’s out, he can’t remember any of it.

 

Marco can’t talk about, school, family and cute guys when all he wants to do is tell Auba how much he loves him.

 

There’s a pause and Marco would regret what he blurted out but it’s all he can think.

 

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

 

‘I know.’ Auba finally settles on, he’s biting his lips. His expression is blurred by the poor quality of their Skype video.

 

‘I don’t mea-

 

‘I know what you mean. Melanie told me before I left. She-’ Auba lets out a shaky laugh, ‘-she asked me not to leave you.’

 

Marco had expected Auba to be shocked, angry even.

 

But this is new. This is Auba, knowing how he felt and ignoring it anyway.

 

‘But you did anyway.’ Marco doesn’t want to sound accusing. He’s mostly sad, he hopes that Auba knows he’s very, very sad.

 

‘You didn’t ask me to stay.’ Auba answers and _fuck_ Auba sounds sad.

 

‘Would you have if I did?’

 

‘Yes.’ Auba says without pause and Marco is awash with regret of all the time he’d squandered.

 

Of all the times _don’t go_ was at the tip of his tongue.

 

‘I didn’t feel it was right.’ Marco finally answers because Auba’s nose is flaring and Marco knows that Auba won’t talk until he’s sure he won’t cry, ‘you wanted to find yourself. I didn’t want to get in the way.’

 

‘There is no me without you Marco.’ It should sound like a cliche but Auba says it so plainly. The truth is a raw punch to Marco’s gut

 

There’s no Marco without Auba either. It’s so obvious once Marco realizes, it has been so obvious all along.

 

‘I wanted you to fall in love with me like I was in love with you. I didn’t want you to love me because you thought you had to- _because of that_ .’ Auba points to the inside of his wrist, ‘I-I know how much you hated that-- _having_ to love me.’

 

Marco always cried easier than Auba.

 

‘I didn’t.’ He sobs, missing how Auba’s eyes are watering as well, ‘I never hated anything about us.’

 

‘Oh Marco.’ Auba says and lets Marco sob his heart out. Just sits there watching Marco wipe at his tears for a long time after.

 

‘I’m sorry.’ Marco settles on and hates the words. He wants to hold Auba, know without having to say anything that everything will be alright between them.

 

Auba sighs, ‘I’m in love with you too.’ He says as though the entire conversation in the middle didn’t just happen, as though Marco’s eyes aren’t puffy from crying, as though he’s stating something said between them often.

 

Marco feels restless.

 

*

Marco visits Auba in Madrid during Christmas.

 

His family doesn’t complain, there’s a collective sigh of relief when he says he’s going to visit Auba, his boyfriend.

 

They’ve technically never talked about being boyfriends. But Marco thinks they’re beyond talking about things. Muddling through and making things harder seems to be more their style.

 

 _we’re testing the bond._ Auba had said to him without irony and Marco hadn’t known whether to laugh or cry at that.

 

When Auba kisses him it feels like the first time.

 

In a way it is because Marco doesn’t hesitate. He wraps his arms around Auba and isn’t confused or feeling an undercurrent of dread.

 

Marco can’t stop kissing him.

 

It’s okay though because Auba can’t either.

  


**Author's Note:**

> you've made it to the end! congratulations if you don't hate it. I love hearing from you guys despite being a socially awkward nugget.


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